{"id":7652,"date":"2016-04-12T09:30:42","date_gmt":"2016-04-12T13:30:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/theyogimovement.com\/?p=7652"},"modified":"2016-10-08T13:55:51","modified_gmt":"2016-10-08T17:55:51","slug":"rising-strong-brene-brown","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theyogimovement.com\/rising-strong-brene-brown\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Stop Judging & Start Loving: 3 Takeaways from Rising Strong by Brene Brown"},"content":{"rendered":"

I recently created a spiritual book club in the city where I live. I did this for a few reasons. Since I left my job, my whole world has been flipped around, and filled with extreme highs and lows. I\u2019ve had to break down walls, own my stories, and fall a lot while building a new foundation. It\u2019s the best thing that\u2019s happened to me.<\/p>\n

Building your own business, and being successful is hugely related to mindset, and this process has forced me to face myself and look deep within.<\/p>\n

My inner critic has a louder voice than ever. I\u2019ve had to get deep and dark to understand what\u2019s holding me back. I had to own up to the fact that I had so much fear and obstacles that I didn\u2019t even want to face myself.<\/p>\n

I realized we can\u2019t do everything alone, and we aren\u2019t meant to.<\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t getting the support I needed from my environment, so I decided to create a spiritual community where we could all gather and really talk about how to free ourselves from these invisible barriers that we\u2019ve created in our life.<\/p>\n

My goal is to build a sangha where we grow through reading spiritual and personal development books, and can just talk openly about what we\u2019re feeling, and elevate each other on our spiritual journey.<\/p>\n

The first book we read was Rising Strong by Brene Brown.<\/a><\/p>\n

I heard about Brene from her Ted Talks about vulnerability, and then when I listened to her on the being boss podcast it sealed the deal for me.<\/a><\/p>\n

This book has a bunch of amazing nuggets of wisdom, so I won\u2019t be able to go over everything, but I want to share the takeaways that helped to change my mindset, and how I continue to apply daily.<\/p>\n

THE STORY I’M MAKING UP IS….<\/span><\/h2>\n

The rumble begins with turning up our curiosity level and becoming aware of the story we\u2019re telling ourselves about our hurt, anger, frustration, or pain. The minute we find ourselves facedown on the arena floor, our minds go to work trying to make sense of what is happening. This story is driven by emotion and the immediate need to self-protect, which means it\u2019s most likely not accurate, well thought out, or even civil. In fact, if your very first story is any of these things, either you\u2019re an outlier or you\u2019re not being fully honest. – Brene Brown<\/span><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This happens whenever something goes wrong or takes an unpleasant turn. When I start to blame someone, that\u2019s when I know I need to stop and just observe the story I\u2019m telling<\/strong>. Then, what I realize is that my story has absolutely no truth to it. It\u2019s just to compensate for the pain that I\u2019m feeling, or as an excuse to not blame myself.<\/p>\n

When I stop and say, \u201cThe story I\u2019m telling is\u2026..<\/em> ,” I realize there is no one to blame – not even me. This is just the flow of life, and I have to own it, feel it, and move through the energy – whatever it is.<\/p>\n

This has changed everything for me. I was telling a lot of stories and attached to them. I\u2019ve been doing this for a pretty long time, and probably hurt some people along the way.<\/p>\n

Now, when I find myself blaming or falling into a place of self loathing, I quickly say, \u201cThe story I\u2019m making up is\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

Once I take ownership, I take control over my monkey mind, and can operate from a place of truth and love.<\/p>\n

What happens in your life is all in your control.<\/strong><\/p>\n

You need to own your story. It\u2019s uncomfortable, but the reward is worth it.<\/p>\n

\"My<\/p>\n

FALLING IS A PART OF LIFE<\/span><\/h2>\n

When we commit to showing up and risking falling, we are actually committing to falling. Daring is not saying, I\u2019m willing to risk failure. Daring is saying, I know I will eventually fail and I\u2019m still all in. Fortune may favor the bold, but so does failure. – Brene Brown<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

It\u2019s liberating to know that falling is a part of life. Most of us have wounds from how we learned to handle failure, and the emotions that come with that, as children. When you have failures it\u2019s easy to just put up a wall, and think you\u2019re not good enough.<\/p>\n

Now that I know I will fall, I\u2019m liberated from trying to be perfect, or prove anything to anyone<\/strong>. I\u2019m able to learn from it, and pick myself back up. It\u2019s not an easy process.<\/strong> You have to face every emotion and wound that you locked away going as far back as you remember (or don\u2019t remember).<\/p>\n

Of course, my old emotional habits creep in, but once I feel the tightness in my chest, I close my eyes, and ask myself what I am supposed to learn, and ask how I can move forward.<\/p>\n

EVERYONE IS DOING THE BEST THEY CAN WITH THE TOOLS THAT THEY HAVE<\/span><\/h2>\n

In the book, Brene Brown tells a story about how she goes on a speaking event trip, and she finds out that she has to share a room with another speaker. This speaker did everything to drive Brene crazy from wiping her frosty and gooey icing covered hands on the couch to lighting a cigarette in the hotel room.<\/p>\n

Brene starts to get frustrated, judgemental, and totally self righteous in her thoughts and emotions.<\/p>\n

Self-righteousness starts with the belief that I\u2019m better than other people and it always ends with me being my very worst self and thinking, I\u2019m not good enough. Even as I was standing there- knee high in judgement – I was curious about what was happening and I knew that I wanted to get out from underneath the weight of all of the negativity I was experiencing. – Brene Brown<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So, she made an appointment with her therapist as soon as she got on the plane.<\/p>\n

When she met with her, and told her the story. Her therapist said, \u201cDo you think it\u2019s possible that your roommate was doing the best she could that weekend?\u201d<\/p>\n

It got me thinking about the people I\u2019ve been struggling with and judging. I asked myself – are they doing the best they can with the tools that they have?<\/p>\n

But, even before I answered that question,<\/em> I thought about myself and my struggles. I thought about my reactions, mistakes, and day to day communication. I asked myself, “Am I doing the best I can with the tools I have?”<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been so hard on myself trying to be perfect, and live up to an expectation.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m honest when I say that I\u2019m doing my best with my current tools. Sometimes I react emotionally, and I know I screwed up the moment it happened, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t trying.<\/p>\n

I also know I\u2019m working hard to get rid of the old rusty tools, and replace them with more efficient ones!<\/p>\n

If I\u2019m doing my best, I have to believe everyone else is too.<\/p>\n

\"My<\/p>\n

Once I took this mindset, I stopped judging people on how I wanted them to be, and started loving people for who they are.<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t mean that you can\u2019t feel angry or frustrated by a situation, or that you shouldn\u2019t confront someone about something that upset you. But, it means that when you do it, you do it free of blame and expectation because you know they are doing their very best<\/strong>.<\/em><\/p>\n

I am an eternal optimist, and I firmly believe that most people out there don\u2019t have the intent to harm. But, let\u2019s talk about the ones that do. I still think they\u2019re doing the best they can with the tools that they have.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I think that anyone who has the intent to harm must be hurting inside, and they\u2019re just reflecting their pain and learned behavior. It\u2019s not an excuse, but I can\u2019t help but believe that they are doing the best they can with the tools that they have, too.<\/p>\n

Since I\u2019ve read this book, I\u2019ve been able to implement these few things, and it\u2019s improved my friendships, relationships, and whole perspective on the world.<\/p>\n

But, the main thing I\u2019ve started doing is being totally open and vulnerable.<\/span> When I notice that I\u2019m having some sort of emotional crises, or a problem with a particular person, I stop and say\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n