I Want To Feel The Universe In Each Breath Cycle

Not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’m trying to blog everyday. I want to do it daily because it’s something I love to do, and want to get better at in every way. I want to be better writer, editor, and story teller. Eventually I want to vlog daily too.

One thing at a time. 

What will I blog about?

Yoga postures, the mind, thoughts, practices, techniques, sequences, healthy living, holistic life, love, relationships, daily struggles, challenges, happiness, eating, food, and really anything. 

I had a perfect blog ready to go for today, but I really wanted to make a video for it first. I am better when I talk out loud. I was inspired, but I got so frustrated because I couldn’t find my new Gorilla Pod. 

Do you ever get that anxious, frustrated, totally bummed out feeling? The one where you can feel your heart beating in your chest, and all you’re saying to yourself is…. this sucks, I suck, what’s wrong with me, why me, blah blah blah? 

I was so bummed out. 

I had goals for the night, and I blew it. 

I also had a long as hell day, so I didn’t get my practice in. I didn’t think I’d actually get to it tonight because it was 10pm, and Mark and I just finished eating a fucking delicious shrimp po-boy from Tasty Tuesdays in the Milk District. Tasty Tuesdays is a rad food truck festival.

So YUM!

Anyway, after eating and then not being able to find my new amazing tripod, I hated life. I knew I had to do some sort of practice. Originally I was just going to meditate. These are the situations that meditation and yoga help us with the most.

After class, I always tell my students to make the commitment to connect with their breath. I tell them to take the breath with them throughout the day, and whenever a difficult situation arises – find the breath and let those moments pass and resolve themselves. 

It was time to take my own advice. 

I got on my mat and decided to start with Sun Salutations. I did 5 of each A&B. Then, I just started practicing. I told myself that I would just do the standing postures, and then close out my practice for the night.

I mean, it was already pretty late, and I just ate from the food trucks! 

I was a little lazy in the balancing postures, and wanted to give up around the warriors. I was about to, but then thought  about what that meant.

Does that mean that I am not a warrior? It probably doesn’t mean anything, but it felt symbolic to me. That would be the worst place to call it quits, and they’re the last two postures before we move to seated, so why give up now? I did them. 

Then, I started the Primary Series. I didn’t do all the vinyasas. I would have had such a hard time admitting that up until a few months ago. I tried to act like this perfect yogi that always pushed through and did every sequence and posture perfectly. I’m done pretending. I am human, and this is how I practice. 

No matter how I practice, it’s always helping. 

The seated postures felt so delicious. I practiced up until Navasana, and then stared backbends. 

After the closing sequence I went right into meditation. I did a full 10 minutes, and then Savasana. 

The anxiety in my chest and crazy talk (vrittis) stayed through Sun Salutations. I noticed in the second set that I was running off with the thoughts. I kept telling myself, focus on the breath. 

I focused on the breath more than I have in awhile. I started to notice it wasn’t as deep as it could be. I slowed down the breath and the movement. I also really focused on engaging my bandhas, and moving the drishti inwards. 

By the time I finished my practice I felt calm.

The meditation was more difficult than practice. I just focused on the feel of the breath. I have been working to understand what’s happening in the pauses between the inhale and exhale. 

Michael Stone says at first the pauses should be pleasant. He says when the prana flow is silently paused, then the mind also quiets because the prana and the citta – breath and mind – move together and mirrors of one another. In these retentions we refine our patience, and in doing so there is a direct physiological response in the nervous system. The whole universe appears within each breath cycle. The whole universe appears within each moment. 

The only way to fully understand this is to keep practicing. I want to feel the universe in each breath cycle. 

As I finished Savasana, my mind felt much more free and the anxiety in my chest was way less. There was some remanence, but very little.

I was stoked that I was able to write this post, and at least stick to this goal. 

My daily priorities are to do my dishes, make my bed, do my practice, write my blog. 

I didn’t get to the two videos I wanted, but I did a half primary and bound in Marichyasana D after eating a shrimp po-boy. Who knew that was even possible?

Today wasn’t so bad after all. 

Have a nice night friend.

Many many hugs and peaceful days ahead,